Woman Breaks Off Her Engagement After Her Childish Fiancé Shows His True Colors: 'It feels like I have a teenager'

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Aug 15, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

Some people never grow up. Like Peter Pan, desperately trying to slay their pirate foes, singing with a band of other merry boys around a campfire, and struggling to find their shadow, men in the real world who never grow up are not as uncommon as you'd think. Now, girls have to grow up early, entering womanhood according to their biological clocks–but for men, it's not so simple. 

Even after living for decades on their own as adults, men will sometimes forget to do simple adulting tasks like changing out the towels for clean ones, clearing out old food from the fridge, and ensuring the house chores are all done. Now I'm not saying that prioritizing fun every now and then is a bad thing, but when your fiancé needs your help around the house and you leave her hanging, that's more than just Peter Pan Syndrome, that's childish. 

The woman in this next story realized that her future husband was about to be the biggest deadweight she's ever seen. After an emergency surgery left her out of commission to get the household chores completed before going back to work on Monday (she's a teacher), she left a simple list of things for him to do while she recovered: Finish washing the dishes, put the wet laundry in the dryer, and empty the cat litter boxes. Simple right? 

Well after her harrowing surgery, she picked up her son from grandma's, got home around dinner time, and noticed that nothing was done–her fiancé was out with the boys, leaving a mountain of dishes and molding clothes in the wash. Oof. Keep scrolling to read how this incident opened a woman's eyes to her future husband's lack of character as well as a long list of childish traits she wasn't willing to deal with as a lawfully wedded wife.

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    AITA for calling off my engagement after my fiancé didn't help when I got my wisdom teeth out?
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    Hi, all. I am a 26F engaged to a 26M. I have a slew of health issues, including POTS which during a flare up is completely debilitating. I have a 6 year old from a previous relationship as well. Yesterday morning, I got my wisdom teeth out.
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    It was kind of an emergency situation, I went in on Tuesday to get them checked out after some intense pain and they they scheduled me to get them removed Thursday (yesterday). Our house was a MESS and I ran through myself to
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    try and get it clean on Wednesday and yesterday morning before the surgery. I left him with a small list: clean the cat boxes, wash the few dishes in the sink that couldn't fit in the dishwasher (a couple large pans), and switch laundry from the washer to the dryer. I wanted
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    everything done because I am a teacher and start back to school on Monday and knew I wouldn't feel like cleaning when after my teeth were done; I expressed this sentiment multiple times. My child is staying with his great grandmother for Thursday night only, as she is too old
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    to take care of him for more than one night, and my parents have things going on and couldn't help after Friday morning either. I also expressed I wanted the chores done before my child comes back Friday mid day, as I will be back to mom mode and taking care of my son.
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    My partner just got a new job and couldn't get off work, so my mom drove me home and took care of me at her house. After a while I was feeling uncomfortable there, and I asked him to take me home. This was around 6pm. He was hanging
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    out with his friends, and my parents had to drive me home. When I got home, nothing on the list was done. When he finally got home around 10pm, we were both ready to go to bed and that was that.
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    This morning, I woke up in an immense amount of pain. If I take my pain medication (a narcotic), it puts me in the bed for at least a few hours and I am unable to function. With the chores not done, I immediately got up and started doing them as fast as possible so I
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    could take my medicine and try to rest before my child comes home. I told him I was upset and not feeling supported because he couldn't even do these few things for me after I had been put under full anesthesia and had my teeth yanked out. He sulked for 30 minutes and then left for work and won't be back until this evening.
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    We are supposed to get married in November. He has shown a consistent pattern (other incidents before this) of not taking care of his responsibilities before going out and having fun. It feels like I have a teenager that I am constantly asking to be responsible and prioritize our
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    family. With my other medical issues, it makes me feel afraid that I will need help and support in the future and he won't be able to meet my needs. I love him so much, but I feels like I am climbing up the cliff
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    side of adulthood and just dragging him along with me. I told him this morning that the equal partnership was not equal partnership-ing. This is not what I want for my life. Am I the ?
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    PuzzleheadedAd9782 45 min. ago Partassipant [1] NTA. You don't just have one child, you will have 2 if you stay with him. Imagine how he would act if the two of you had a child together. I shudder to think of the chaos that would ensue while you recover from childbirth.
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    Square Owl5883 12 min. ago NTA I think a big part of a relationship is this if they can't do basic things they have no business marrying anyone
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    summerpsycho_ . 14 min. ago NTA. Best to have this sort of revelation before you're legally tied to him.
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    Tired RetiredNurse 5 min. ago Good thing it happened before the wedding.
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    Ladyughsalot1. 23 min. ago NTA Look, he's not ready for marriage and may never be, because at 26 it's likely this is a selfish character and not just a lack of maturity
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    TimeladyA613. 17 min. ago NTA. This is why I'm a for cohabitation before marriage. It's good you saw all the red flags and all the deal-breakers before you got the government involved. You are NTA for knowing what you will and will not tolerate.
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    soph_lurk 2018 - 7 min. ago Partassipant [2] If you have to still rely on your family or do it yourself, what's the purpose of having a husband? He isn't helping out.
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    Sea_Voice_404 · 5 min. ago NTA. Imagine what would happen if you had a severe medical issues where he'd have to step up for weeks or months? This was like a day and he couldn't do it. Glad he showed his true colors before the wedding.
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    applebum8807 · 1 hr. ago Professor Emeritass [86] NTA and good for you. I've seen too many posts on this sub where people notice a consistent pattern of poor behavior on their partner and assume "well, when we get married this will magically fix itself" only to end up bitter and resentful when it does not. You made the right call here.
    via applebum8807

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aita grow up drama interesting childish wedding story family breakup engagement fiancé Reddit
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